60. We Laugh and Cry in the Same Language

Have you ever watched a funeral conducted by a culture and in a language different from your own? A lot of the trappings may have been foreign to you, like details of colors and costs and casket-vs-cremation.

The words spoken over the departed would have certainly been different from your experience. There may have been such cultural distinctions as loud wailing on one hand, and despondent silence on the other, from the assembly.

Here in Iraq, for example, the citizens typically behave differently when burying their loved ones than my family does in the US.

Far more importantly, however, what was not different? The “Smart Power to the People” of Powerful Peace always seeks to find our common ground as a starting point for conflict reduction despite the innumerable layers of social norms we have developed over millenia.

Of those moved to tears at this foreign funeral, those whose grief exceeded their capacity to form speech, did you notice that the men wept differently from your own? Did their rasping, choked expressions of unbearable emotional agony have some unusual accent compared to those in your country?

Is there any sight quite as heartbreaking as an otherwise powerful man utterly helpless, devastated, crying like a baby?

Did the inconsolable shrieks and sobs of the women, lamenting over their beloved partners or children, somehow lack enough clarity for you to understand what they meant?

I suspect not.

On the other hand:

Have you ever watched a baby from a foreign culture laugh?

How about an adult, guffawing without guile at a particularly suprising moment of hilarity? I’m talking about the deep, genuine belly laugh that comes without warning and cannot be modulated.

It’s pretty much the same as yours, isn’t it? Ain’t nobody saying nothing…but the message comes through loud and clear.

The point of all this is that these moments of sincere natural-ness illustrate a level of humanity that we can observe is universal. Sex…hunger…fatigue….the core of humankind is one, no matter how various our complexions or how tall “our people” typically grow.

Try to consider these things the next time you get that inexplicable feeling of dislike for another that you can’t quite put your finger on. It might just be your layers grating against his. If you take a moment to imagine his common pain or joy, you might begin to recognize your brother - disguised in a strange costume.

Copyright © 2009 by Jack Oatmon. All rights reserved.

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59. We Make Our Misfortune

Pop Quiz:

1. I drove my car while I was drunk, and I was pulled over and arrested. Who is to blame for the detention and fines that turned out to be a serious hassle?a) Society is
b) My parents are
c) I am
d) Those meddling cops are

 

2. I poured a kettle of boiling water over my leg, and suddenly experienced severe pain and some blistering. Who is to blame for this injustice?

a) The people at the water company are
b) I am
c) The manufacturers of the kettle with inadequate safety markings are
d) Those meddling cops are

3. I stomped into a foreign country, demanding that those who were there treat me specially because I’m an American and people should just deal with it. The locals began to treat me with disrespect and I quickly realized that they were starting to serve me a little slower, a little less enthusiastically, and without a smile. Who is responsible for this outrage?

a) I am
b) The local national President or Prime Minister is
c) The stupid local population is
d) Those meddling cops are!

 If you answered 1 – c; 2 – b; and 3 – a, you got a perfect score!

It’s not cliche to say that “what goes around comes around”. Well, okay, maybe that is a cliche, but the important thing to recognize is that cliches are often based on objective reality. Obviously, although many an arrested lawbreaker blames the arresting officers, the guilty party chose a behavior with full knowledge of the potential consequences.

In the hilarious film, “Liar, Liar”, Jim Carrey plays a top-shelf defense attorney who is incapable of lying for one 24-hour period. When he’s called by a career thug/client who’s been locked up again and the fellow asks for legal advise, this lawyer replies with brutal honesty, “You want some legal advise? Stop breaking the law, a$$#0£3!”

Couldn’t we all do with a such valuable legal advice? I don’t mean that we are all career thugs, but that we all (to some extent) go against what we know is right and then find ourselves asking what went wrong. We all (to some extent) find ourselves from time to time on the wrong side of a friend, loved one, or complete stranger and begin casting about for their part in the matter. Smart Power begins with the self.

Here’s another way to put it: have you ever had a strong, negative reaction to a person’s unacceptable behavior and then said that the person really made you angry? Well, if you are willing to blame him for causing that reaction in you, I’m sure you’ll be willing to acknowledge that you may have caused the same in someone else. In other words, it follows that at some time during your life you will have “really made someone angry”.

Now look at the implication. He wasn’t angry, then you did something, and he became angry as a result. You created an angry person from a not-angry one. You created the reality of having an angry person near you, and you created the reality of whatever transpired as a result of that. Did he yell at you? Did he kick you in the knee? Did he make fun of the car you drive?

You created that negative event, whatever it was. If you had chosen some other behavior, one that would not have “made” him angry, you wouldn’t have your feelings, knee, or pride hurt. You created your own hurt.

Many of my readers will say, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” They’ll ponder this idea and come to the conclusion that a little more mindfulness of our effect on others might go a long way – not necessarily for the benefit of the others, but for our own! Being decent to others, therefore, is in my own self interest, regardless of the fact that it improves the lives of others.

Smart Power, then, or Powerful Peace, is a way of making my personal environment better – extended to global relations, it seems obvious that the same principles can ease at least a little of the sometimes explosive clash of cultures.

 If, on the other hand, you think this is a load of hogwash and it makes you angry…please don’t kick me in the knee.

Copyright © 2009 by Jack Oatmon. All rights reserved.

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58. Change

[Adapted from the February edition of my other column, For Goodness' Sake. Read previous FGS's by "Searching" for "For Goodness..." on our archive page at: Front Porch Magazine.]

Smart Power

PowerfulPeace.NET remains fiercely apolitical – our only partisanship is omnipartisan, in order to best harness the many common interests of all sides. DC started out the year in a similarly friendly mood.

I met Senator John Kerry at the airport during my Christmas R&R home from Baghdad. He was very receptive as I offered my business card and my willingness to contribute to our government’s evolved way ahead in counterterrorism, with Smart Power at the fore.

With this clumsy and obvious segue to the Democratic Senator from Massachusetts out of the way, let us consider his opening remarks during January’s Secretary of State Confirmation Hearing:

“In the last seven years, we have spent the treasure of our nation…to fight terrorism, and yet grave questions remain as to whether or not we have chosen our battles correctly.

“It is clear that no amount of additional troops will succeed absent the effective instruments of a functioning state [in Afghanistan]… I believe we must fundamentally redefine our approach.”

(…We must fundamentally redefine our approach.)

The Republican Senator Lugar was quoted in the same hearing: “The United States cannot feed every person… or stop every conflict, but our power and status have conferred upon us a tremendous responsibility to humanity.”

(…Our power and status have conferred upon us a tremendous responsibility to humanity.)

In her opening comments, Democrat Secretary of State Clinton referenced Secretary of Defense Robert Gates (appointed by the Republican President George W. Bush): “Secretary Gates… has been particularly eloquent in articulating the importance of diplomacy…. As he has stated, ‘Our civilian institutions of diplomacy and development have been chronically undermanned and underfunded for far too long.’”

Finally, she added:

“We must use what has been called smart power, the full range of tools at our disposal — diplomatic, economic, military, political, legal, and cultural — picking the right tool or combination of tools for each situation. Even when we cannot fully agree with some governments we share a bond of humanity with their people… Investing in our common humanity through social development is not marginal to our foreign policy but essential to the realization of our goals… Our pleas will fall on deaf ears unless democracy actually improves people’s lives….”

So, to summarize: we have a flood of brand-new, bipartisan attention to smart power (powerful peace), with an urgent need to develop societies and engage diplomatically to fight terrorism and conflict.

Please review the following, originally written by yours truly in 2003 and posted at PowerfulPeace.net in July of 2008:

“What is crucial is a case-by-case use of the most effective methods for each problem. Some crises of hostility can be resolved with dialogue to reduce misunderstanding; some, for now, still demand a ‘kinetic solution’ from the business end of a rifle… Best of all, however, will be the next evolution of threat mitigation: elimination, before the hateful cause exists, by working with the source… If we care to understand well enough, open exchange and cooperation can starve the very roots of terrorism. Statecraft and interpersonal engagement are more important, in the long run, than military might.”

That’s smart power, written five years before this election… Let’s continue to lead from the bottom with an active Powerful Peace Network. Eventually, the policy makers can catch up!